all tied up

Okay, so yes, I'm in NYC, and YES you can get pretzels on every corner, but SOMETIMES I get a little.....skittish buying things from the little food carts on the streets. Which is strange, because I've eaten many questionable things in my lifetime.  And no, it's not a water dog, nor street meat, but still.  Either way...let's talk about PRETZELS! I love pretzels.  Maybe its the German in me.  Maybe it's the fact that I love mustard, and pretzels are one of the PRIME vehicles for mustard-eating. Don't get me started on mustard.  Maybe it's the giant chunks of salt on warm bread.  All of these things are amazing, let's be honest.  

A couple pretzel facts: Pretzels were probably invented by monks, who seem to have created and perfected a ton of delicious and amazing things (beers, cheese, fruit brandies), most of which involve long, often weird processes.  I suppose that's because they have a HELL of a lot of free time on their hands.  What makes pretzels different from just "bread" is that they are given some extra special treatment - a soda or lye wash - this process gives it that tanned, crunchy kinda skin on the outside and the "pretzel" taste we've grown to love.  The shape has some religious connotations and also is what gave us the phrase "tying the knot" in marriage.  And, thanks to the Reading Pretzel Machine Company - who created the first automated pretzel forming machine in 1935, we no longer have to spend all of the time rolling out the dough and forming it into twist. 

Random fact: The Beastie Boys album, "Pretzel Nugget", contained a song, which went on to have one of the best music videos of all time - Sabotage. 

Enough of that, let's get to making pretzels!! They really are easy to make, and you can't beat a freshly baked pretzel right out of the oven!  The worst part of this recipe is the waiting game, but it's well worth it.  So grab your ingredients and get to cooking!

German-Style Pretzels
Makes 12 large pretzels

1 T dark brown sugar
2 T unsalted butter, softened
2 T instant yeast
6 cups AP flour
1 T kosher salt
1/4 c baking soda
Coarse sea salt, or pretzel salt - I used Maldon because I had neither, and hell, I'm fancy so why not

1. Before we get started - this can all be down by hand, or you can use a stand mixer that has a paddle and dough hook attachment.  I used this route because it was a bit less messy, and I was feeling lazy!  In a bowl, stir together sugar, butter, yeast, a bit shy of 2 cups warm water and half the flour. Add kosher salt and the remaining flour, stirring until combined. 
2. Swap out your paddle for a dough hook, and knead for 8 to 10 minutes, until smooth. Cut the dough into 12 pieces, form balls, and let the dough rest for 5 minutes.
3. Roll out each piece into a rope about just a bit under 2 feet long (TRUTH!).  This is kind of a pain in the butt, and I did work up a baby sweat, no lies.  Try to taper the ropes out on the end, so they're a little fatter in the middle.  Twist up into your preferred pretzel shape, and transfer to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Let rest at room temperature for 30 minutes, then refrigerate for at least one hour or overnight.

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5. Could you wait overnight? Probably not...I couldn't!  Heat oven to 425F degrees. While the oven is heating up, mix together baking soda and about 3 cups of water in a sauce pan and bring to a boil.  Lower to a simmer and dip each pretzel in solution for about 30 seconds, remove, and place on the parchment paper.  Sprinkle each pretzel with salt.  I love a LOT of salt....better more than not enough, right? Whoever is eating can always brush off extra salt if they don't like it!
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7. Bake about 15 minutes or until they are deep brown - remove from the oven and let cool slightly.  Serve warm with as many mustards as you can muster up (see what I did right there), or some kind of cheese sauce.  Hell, use Tostitos queso dip, I'm not judging. Try it with honey.  Or whatever.  It will be delicious with ANYTHING, I promise!
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